Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
