The maid of honor just puked.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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