I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
