if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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