Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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