Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
