I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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