I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
