i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
