I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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