Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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