Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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