someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
