I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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