took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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