operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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