"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
