He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
