I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
