Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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