Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
