I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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