Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
