i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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