OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
