You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
