just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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