When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
