i barfeds in our rink
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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