think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
