please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
