At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
