I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
