At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
