Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
