The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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