she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
