When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
