that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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