i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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