I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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