Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
