sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
