I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Blood and glitter go together right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
