I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
