i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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