True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
