hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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