I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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