We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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