Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
