Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This girl is more easily done than said...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
