woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
