EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
