cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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