If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
