Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize