Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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