I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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