her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
