No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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