I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And then my night got REAL pukey
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
