My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
