Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
