Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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