You just made me feel so damn special
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
