I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
