things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We just shotgunned beers for America
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
