You can't motorboat a personality
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
