I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
