We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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