i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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