Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
