i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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