Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
