I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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