Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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