their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
