his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
