Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
