Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
