I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
