I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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