Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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