38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
