So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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