the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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