Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
