I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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